Where Wisdom and Time Meet for Midlife Women
Throughout our lives, we’re told to expect things to happen and often, when to expect these things to happen. For example, “adulthood” is generally thought of as 18 years and older – because 18 is the time when many individuals gain independence.
They leave their family homes and begin doing what their parents used to do for them. But… does their status as an adult mean that they have the knowledge and wisdom to understand good and bad decisions and all the consequences?
That may be debatable.
The following breakdown of ages and stages is generally accepted:
0-10 Childhood
10-20 Adolescence
20-35 Early Adulthood
35-70 Middle Adulthood
70+ Older Adulthood
As you move through the stages of your life, your awareness and understanding of what is happening around you and how it affects you changes.
Let’s take a look at how goals might change and how life can affect your goals at each of the early stages:
Childhood: Growing up as a kid, you have dreams of becoming an astronaut or fashion designer or artist, or the Easter bunny!
Adolescence and Early Adulthood: The expectations of society and reality set in. You go to grade school and are guided to graduate from high school, then college. After college, you start to work, get married, or perhaps have a family.
At this point, they say, “You’ve lived the life!”.
You have everything you want.
And somewhere along the way, maybe you’ve lost the dreaminess and imagination of childhood that made most experiences an adventure. You realize this, and then society can give you some messages:
One is to live your life and enjoy what you have.
The second, which is likely more powerful, is to go back to dreaming. Go back to that child full of imagination and start planning to achieve the midlife dreams you haven’t reached yet.
This can lead to plans and bucket lists – when you retire, when you have grandchildren, or before you die = these are all common time frames that individuals build their lives around.
But what about the time between early adulthood, when society expects you to have babies (fur babies or human ones), and older adulthood?
That’s where we are as midlife women! And it’s time to stop playing by other people’s rules, dreams, and expectations. It’s time to make your own and shape your own world. Now is the time to decide what’s next.
What do you want to do next in midlife?
If you’re unsure what the next years of your life will look like, there’s no reason to panic. You might, but when you come back to calm, you can do some things.
Start with questions.
Asking questions can bring clarity and bring you back to the center. This is where you can journal or free draw.
Sometimes people like to play with sentiments about doing things over again. A popular question is this: “Would you go back to high school? Would you do it all over again?”
When answering this one, people often ask another question:
“Do I go back knowing what I know now, or do I have to redo it without that knowledge?”
This is exciting! Because now is the time when you can have that re-do with the knowledge and experience you’ve gained.
Middle adulthood. Midlife. Middle-aged. Your Second Spring!
Whatever you call it, now is your time!
What’s more exciting than deciding what you want to do or redo?
You can:
Start a new career – knowing what you know now. Having all the work and life experience.
Reevaluate what makes you happy!
Take on a new hobby.
Meet new friends.
Strategies for reevaluating in midlife
It’s exciting to think of a fresh start, but it’s important to make sure you have a solid plan behind that start. That will help you be more successful at it and find more joy. These are some of my favorite strategies.
Start with a clean canvas
Try letting go of beliefs around what makes you happy.
Doing this can create space for new thoughts and ideas to form. You may be doing something that you’ve always done because it used to make you happy. Maybe you just aren’t into your book group anymore. Maybe sewing used to bring you joy, but you still consider it your go-to hobby.
Get Mindful
Notice and pay attention when you feel that flutter in your chest!
The buzz of happiness and take note. You can even open the notes app on your phone and jot it down. Or Post-It notes! Post-it’s themselves bring me joy! Writing something that made me happy on one and sticking it up is a double bang for me!
Examine your notes
There is gold in them!
You may have to sift a bit to find an actual nugget!
Use this note as an example-
“I had an amazing time going out for appetizers with my girlfriends. I wish I could do it every night!”
Sifting ….
It felt good doing something for myself without my partner.
Having food made for me was awesome!
It felt soooo good to see friends.
I liked that it wasn’t a huge meal – I got to pick at food and chat.
Having just apps, I was home by bedtime!
I loved getting dressed up.
You can look at each separately to create new ways to increase your happiness factor.
Go in time
Revisit thoughts and dreams from your younger years.
Take a peak inside your childhood journal!
If you have always wanted to be an artist – try taking a class. If you wanted to be a veterinarian – go back to school! Or volunteer at an animal shelter.
Remind yourself
Ok, I know we have brain fog, but that’s not what I mean! Stick with me here.
When we recall happy events, feelings, or objects, we are actually creating grooves in our subconscious. The more you recall anything (happy/sad or good/bad), the deeper those grooves get and the quicker you can get to that feeling and emotion.
Let’s set ourselves you for success! Remind yourself often of your feel-good moments.
Now IS the best time of our lives.
This is when experience, wisdom, and time meet.
We are most prepared now to live our lives with our happiness and well-being at the forefront of our minds.
Tell me your thoughts on reevaluating and rediscovering yourself during midlife in the comments.
Are you ready to clean your slate and start your Second Spring?