Midlife. Crisis or a Transition?
Movies and television shows would have you believe that women have midlife 'crises' that cause irrational behaviors, such as leaving your life behind as you take off in a convertible with your best friend only to then drive it off a cliff in a chase with police. You know, that kind of "midlife crisis."
Of course, when men get a midlife crisis on television, they get a brand-new wife and a brand-new car straight from the stores. It doesn't seem fair, does it?
In reality, unless a larger issue is involved, we don't usually have a midlife crisis. A midlife transition would be a much more appropriate descriptor for what we experience.
Then why was I living in a crisis?
About seven years ago, I would have told you I was in crisis!
I felt lonely in a room full of people. I was bored with too much to do. My periods became erratic; the weight started creeping on. My skin felt different, and I noticed new lines and wrinkles daily.
My doctor assured me it was all normal “aging” stuff. I felt so irritated with everyone but mostly with myself.
Searching for comfort, I began bingeing every Real Housewives episode, eating comfort food that became soooo uncomforting, drinking too much, and spending too much money. My online shopping habit became so big that my husband called the dining room “Shipping & Receiving”!
I was trying to fill a void—an emptiness I couldn’t describe. I constantly questioned and second-guessed myself and didn’t know who I was anymore.
Thankfully, I came across a couple of outstanding coaches and mentors that led me on a path of self-rediscovery. I educated myself on Perimenopause and Midlife. I sought a community of women to become a part of.
Now, I see that I am in a transition. The beginning of shifts can be the hardest part. But can be made better by awareness and knowledge.
That’s the key to growth and change - Awareness and Knowledge.
Women And Midlife: Understanding Midlife Crisis Vs. Transition
Women between the ages of 35-55 are considered 'middle-aged'’ because it's about when our bodies and minds begin transitioning into the next stage of life. Our body’s hormonal ability to have children often starts to lessen as our wisdom increases. But it can also be the time that our children decide to move out or go to college, or we consider new careers or even begin to reevaluate our relationships.
We start experiencing some pretty major life changes that are convenient and inconvenient, happy and sad, and painful. These are the situations we usually describe as 'bittersweet,' and we aren't sure until we can look back in hindsight whether our lives will ever be the same. No matter what, there is a void that we believe we need to fill to be 'normal' again. But what is 'normal' anyway?
A crisis, however, suggests a serious, perhaps life-and-death situation that you may not be able to crawl out of or have any control over. A crisis is unexpected, extremely serious, and completely life-changing, even life-damaging.
The word transition relates more to a change; it's an evolution that suggests growth, not an end to a story. A midlife transition is the beginning of your next chapter. It's the first step towards a new kind of independence you have worked hard toward your entire life. It can be a celebration and often is.
The Transition of Our Mental and Physical Bodies
Perimenopause begins during this time in our lives and causes a few issues that we should discuss. But first, a quick definition. Perimenopause doesn't mean that you are 'menopausal' but that your body has started the transition (that word again!) towards menopause. This can still be many years away.
Your estrogen levels start becoming more and more erratic. Thus, causing emotional changes and physical reactions that can seem scary, even unusual, to someone who wasn't expecting this to happen. It isn't like what we see on TV. Women don't become insane or emotional wrecks the second menopause, or perimenopause, occurs. The changes are gradual and even subtle while still being self-identifiable and completely personal.
Psychological symptoms occasionally noticed first:
Unexplained restlessness is the feeling that you need to do something but don't know what to do. Do you need to move or get away? Start something new?
Feelings of isolation - Are you lonelier than you were before? Is the world moving faster than you are? Do you feel out of sync with everyone else?
Unexplained feelings of sadness and loss - Are you sad without a tangible explanation? Do you feel as if you have lost something dear to you but cannot identify what?
Brain fog or unexplained feelings of confusion - Does the simple act of thinking cause you to feel exhausted? Is it harder to make decisions or express yourself sufficiently? How is your ability to concentrate? Are your thoughts cloudy?
Quick and unusual mood changes that are out of the ordinary.
Physical symptoms that may be more readily noticeable:
They can stem from the same changes causing your psychological symptoms: hormones. These can include:
Hot flashes
Insomnia and/or fatigue
Irregular periods
Decreased fertility
Decreased libido
Osteoporosis
Changes in cholesterol
Some of these changes can be dealt with consciously and tangibly, such as getting out of the house when you feel lonely and completing a beloved activity when you feel restless. But the best thing you can do, if you are getting truly uncomfortable, is visit your doctor for hormonal testing and a therapist involved in talk therapy. Find someone who listens to you and doesn't dismiss your symptoms.
Coaching as a Tool for a More Comfortable Midlife Transition
I honestly believe that awareness and knowledge are the best way to approach Midlife and Perimenopause.
Working with a coach is a great way to assist your mind and body through any life transition. Coaches are often actually mentors that have experienced the very transitions you face.
An amazing way to move through perimenopause and midlife is to become part of a community of women who are at various stages of these transitions. Often we can offer each other advice or a sympathetic ear.